Jeremy Bates then …


Jeremy Bates then …

Who’s having Jeremy Bates? … Anyone having Jeremy Bates? … Jeremy Bates Anyone? … ‘The B-Machine’, ‘The big JB’, ‘The Extermi-Bates-er’ … Anyone? … … …. ? … Anyone at all ? …
Nope, me neither. I’m not having Jeremy Bates. I’m just not having him, Auntie is though, he’s BBC Radio’s resident Tennis expert. Yep, Jeremy Bates!, yes THAT Jeremy Bates! … everybody comfortable with that? Our Tennis expert Jeremy Bates? Everyone on board? … Ok, let’s go with it …

Jeremy Bates there with some sound advice for 17 times Grand Slam champion Roger Federer on where his game’s going wrong.
Jeremy Bates there with some food for thought on how 8 times French Open winner Rafa Nadal might address the obvious flaws in his backhand.
Jeremy Bates then … ONE career singles title in his entire life, in of course, that great tournament (we all remember it) the Seoul Open in 1994, the world gasped as Bates somehow managed to win something by beating (who can forget him?) that other Juggernaut of the game: Joern Renzenbrink … yeah, him.

Don’t be thinking I know stuff about Tennis, i don’t, but I have a basic grasp on who was good and who wasn’t. Im Googling for facts, one almost-fact is that Jeremy Bates was a “quite good” doubles player. Won 2 cups apparently. Good on you Jeremy, I don’t really care for doubles, or singles … or Tennis to be honest, I’m quite comfy not even thinking about it for 50 weeks of the year.
I just heard the words “Jeremy” and “Bates” and said to myself (as we all did) “Jeremy Bates? … hang on a second … wasn’t he shit? … one of our proper no hopers? from the golden age of really properly shit British Tennis players?” (we all audibly said to to ourselves). I couldn’t remember who was the shittest between him and the BBC’s other ace pundit Andrew Castle and it turns out Castle’s worse. Won fuck all. Are we having him? Andrew Castle anyone?

Just to reiterate, I don’t know much about Tennis, this is a heavily Googled rant about Jeremy Bates, who’s probably a smashing fella, just not so great at Tennis. I don’t want him locked up, i’m just not having him.
These guys are harder to research than you’d think by the way, for instance ‘Jeremy Bates trophies won?’ turned out to be a fuckin’ GoogleWhack!
In the interests of balance it does declare on his Wiki page: ‘Runner-up – Celebrities Do Cash In The Attic 2009’.

So near and yet so far.

Right enough of this, I’ve got to be at my nan’s in the morning. Where I expect to see Jeremy Bates advising her on how to suck eggs.